I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
