I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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