I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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