So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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