you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
