so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
