he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
