He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
