btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
