I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
