Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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