sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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