Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
