You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
