I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
