If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
