mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
