38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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