y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
