Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
