The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
