Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
