my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
