So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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