Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
