Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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