So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
