making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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