it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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