i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
