Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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