Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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