had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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