Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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