Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
