I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
