So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
