If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
