She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
