She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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