guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
