i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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