After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
