seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
