i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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