I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
