I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
