and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
