do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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