I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
