lets start a swedish sibling band together
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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