I can text with my tongue
People in love make me want to vomit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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