Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
