The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
