How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
