Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
