I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
