Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize