I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
