where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
