I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
