dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
