What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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