i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
