Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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