Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
