If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
