i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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