I love black thongs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
