he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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