i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
