I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
