Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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