i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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