Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
