using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
