While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
