someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
