Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
