1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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