He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
