Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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