Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
