The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
