I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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