I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
