I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
