Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
