I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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