Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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