She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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