You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize