I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just invented taco cereal.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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