We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize