A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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