True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
